It was the night of New Years Eve and Erin and I were spending the evening with Kyle and Hailey Crimi. We ate dinner, played board games and did the count down all together; it was a great night. At the end of the evening I felt as though I should ask what everyone's New Years resolution was. We went around the table and the last person to go was Erin. She looked at me and said, "I would like a baby". Kyle and Hailey chuckled as I smiled back and said, "Honey you know that we agreed on two years and nine months". It had only been six months at that point.

Flash forward a month and a half; Erin wakes up and says that she is not feeling good. It had been over a month since her last menstrual cycle and in my mind I began to say oh darn in nice Christian language, I got her pregnant. Erin and I decided that I should go get some pregnancy tests to just confirm that she was not pregnant. 

I left the house with a smile on my face because thoughts about occurrences the prior month began to run through my mind. Peace flooded my being as I drove down the road. We had a scare four months earlier but something was different, I felt the peace of God on this. I thought to myself, I can fight this or I can just rest in it. 

As I came up to Walgreen's, the big sign as you drive into the parking lot said, Huggies $14.99. I said, Lord you have got to be kidding me, I am not ready for this, we are not ready for this but yet again peace flooded my being.

I came to the pregnancy tests and got the most accurate one that I could find. I got back into the car and I thought about a gift that I had just received from my good friend Chris Telfer; a gift card to Boarders that said Happy Birthday Dad! I thought about the numerous amount of fathers that would come up to the kiosk in the mall and ask me if I was a father yet. They said that I would be a great dad. I thought about the babies that were all over and that I was noticing them so much more. Was this really happening to me? Was a dream of mine coming true way before I had even imagined it? 

The last time I drove back from Walgreen's, fear overcame me and my life flashed before my eyes. This time I had the peace of God over me and there was something alright about the thought of becoming a dad.

I ran up stairs as quick as I could and I ripped the package open. I had Erin do her business and then she wanted to lay on the bed because the thought of being parents at this point in our lives was a little overwhelming. 

A minute went by and I looked down at the test; DOUBLE BLUE LINES. Oh wow, in nice Christian language again, a big smile on my face, and with the peace of God all over me I said, "We are going to be parents."

 

A new book says we're in a narcissism epidemic. Why you're not so special.

Growing up, my literary heroines were those who, like me, struggled to be good: Jo from "Little Women," Harriet the spy, Laura Ingalls and Pippi Longstocking A strong-willed (and loud) child, I craved examples of unruly knuckleheads tethered to a loving family that encouraged us to be our best selves despite our natural inclinations. Precocious but naive, I thought of myself as an ugly duckling-misunderstood in my youth but destined for a beauty and stature completely impossible for my loved ones to comprehend. I shudder to think what a monster I would have become in the modern child-rearing era. Gorged on a diet of grade inflation, constant praise and materialistic entitlement, I probably would have succumbed to a life of heedless self- indulgence.

Perhaps, one day, we will say that the recession saved us from a parenting ethos that churns out ego-addled spoiled brats. And though it is too soon to tell if our economic free fall will cure America of its sense of economic privilege, it has made it much harder to get the money together to give our kids six-figure sweet-16 parties and plastic surgery for graduation presents, all in the name of "self esteem." And that's a good thing, because as Jean Twenge and W. Keith Campbell point out in their excellent book "The Narcissism Epidemic," released last week, we've built up the confidence of our kids, but in that process, we've created a generation of hot-house flowers puffed with a disproportionate sense of self-worth (the definition of narcissism) and without the resiliency skills they need when Mommy and Daddy can't fix something.

Indeed, when Twenge addressed students at Southern Connecticut State University a couple weeks back, their generation's narcissism was taken as a given by her audience. The fact that nearly 10 percent of 20-somethings have already experienced symptoms of narcissistic personality disorder, compared with just over 3 percent of the 65-and-over set? Not surprising. That 30 percent of college students agree with the statement: "If I show up to every class, I deserve at least a B"? Didn't get much of a rise either. When they're faced with the straight-out question-do you agree with this research, that you guys are the most narcissistic generation ever-there are uniform head nods and knowing grins to each other. "At the end of the day I love me and I don't think that's wrong," says Sharise Tucker, a 21-year-old senior at Southern Connecticut State, a self-professed narcissist. "I don't think it's a problem, having most people love themselves. I love me."

But as Twenge goes on to illustrate, all that narcissism is a problem that can range from the discourteous-residential advisers at Southern lament students disregarding curfews, playing dance music until 3 a.m., demanding new room assignments at a moment's notice and failing to understand why professors won't let them make up an exam they were too hung over to take-to the disastrous-failed marriages, abusive working environments and billion-dollar Ponzi schemes. Seems that the flip side of all that confidence isn't prodigious success but antisocial behavior.

Armed with a steady influx of trophies just for showing up, "I Am Special" coloring books and princess parties, it is hard for kids to understand why an abundance of ego might be bad for them. Hot off their own rebellions in the late '60s, my parents struggled to give me the freedom to be me while also teaching me generosity, compassion and humility. I didn't make it easy on them. I was the kind of kid who threatened to drink Drano if asked to load the dishwasher. "Don't get cocky, kid," was the response from my dad when I declared my grades too good for my behavior to be monitored. "Pretty girls are a dime a dozen," my mother would remind me when I came up with the brilliant idea that school was getting in the way of my social life. My mom would also trot out fables to keep me in check. Ever read the original ending to Cinderella? The evil stepsisters get their eyes plucked out by pigeons and end up beggars. But it worked, mostly, and "Don't believe your own bulls––t" became my mantra. Of course, I still hate to be told what to do, dislike following rules and will waste hours trying to get out of the simplest household task; but hey, I'm a work in progress.

But no matter how you were raised, the handiest cure for narcissism used to be life. Whether through fate, circumstances or moral imperative, our culture kept hubris in check. Now, we encourage it. Pastors preach of a Jesus that wants us to be rich. The famously egocentric wide receiver Terrell Owens declares at a press conference that being labeled selfish is fine with him. Donald Trump names everything he owns after himself and calls his detractors "losers." We live in a world where everyone can be a star-if only on YouTube. The general sense among students on that New Haven campus is that with the world being such a competitive, cutthroat place, they have to be narcissists. Well, you may need a supersize ego to win "America's Next Top Model" or to justify your multimillion dollar bonus. But last I checked, most of our lives don't require all that attitude. Treating the whole world as if it works for you doesn't suggest you're special, it means you're an ass. As an antidote to a skyrocketing self-worth, Twenge recommends humility, evaluating yourself more accurately, mindfulness and putting others first. Such values may seem quaint, maybe even self-defeating, to those of us who think we're special, but trust me: it gets easier with practice.

"The fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control." Galatians 5:22

I am going to say something bold here and say that the fruits of the Spirit only grow in bad soil. God has been teaching me lately that I have to walk and act in the opposite spirit. How am I going to do that? I have to be put in situations that cause me to make a choice. 

If someone comes against me with rejection, I have to come at them with acceptance. If someone comes at me with anger, I have to come at them with peace. If someone comes with depression, I have to come with joy and happiness. If someone is being controlling or domineering, I have to come with gentleness.

God answers our prayers by putting us in circumstances where we can be proven with the prayers we ask. If men are being tempted with lust, then they have to choose faithfulness to their future wives or their queens that sit next to them. God will always allow us to rise or fall to the challenge but He will never leave us nor forsake us. 

I am learning that you can either become better in life or become bitter. God really is in control and the prayers that we ask almost always come in different ways then we think. God is challenging me to look at someone and find the good qualities about them and always bring them out. So often I become judgmental about a person and prideful in how discerning I am about their problems yet have such a hard time in always pulling out the good.

I have seen that if you have given your heart to Jesus and want to become more like him, everywhere you walk will be mirrors. Those mirrors can be in the form of your wife that sees all your crap, your best friends that know who you really are, or grace growers that God puts in your life for a reason.

No matter whom those mirrors are, God will always pull you out of yourself to become more like him. 

To my bride, my best friend, my lover and my queen:

Not only are you my queen and my wife but you are God's daughter. You have a compassionate heart that awakens the smiles of the less fortunate. You bring a presence of hope to those who haven't had a chance. You are a world changer in the day to day.

You lay awake at night as a kid wondering where God would take you, wondering who that man God would give you. That man is me and I honor you on this glorious 25^th birthday of yours. You are a light to the world; you bring God's presence and joy wherever you go.

The very name Erin means woman of peace. Wherever your feet are planted, peace follows you. You are Gods chosen daughter, He loves you more than anything in the world. Believe in who has created you to be. Deep within your heart are dreams that He has placed within. He has given you those to believe in faith that He will bring them into existence. 

You are a woman that can move mountains with the faith he has placed within you. You can give to everyone around you because you know who you are as a daughter of God. Through Gods love and the love that I have for you we will go to the ends of the earth together and live the mystery fully alive.

I love you Erin Ellen Mast. Happy 25^th Birthday my Queen!!!

"See, I lay in Zion a stone that causes men to stumble and a rock that makes them fall, and the one who trusts in him will never be put to shame." Romans 9:33

David was a man after God's own heart; he would do anything for God.  David cheated on his wife, killed men, sinned, ran away but in the end David always gave God his true heart.  

One of the mysteries that I have been pondering over the past week or so is this; why would God put David under the authority of Saul; a controlling man that was trying to kill him?

I believe the answer completely sits in how David reacted in his heart.  When Saul came to kill David he went into the cave to relieve himself.  David was waiting in that very cave and had the perfect opportunity to kill him.  David did not because he new that God puts people in leadership and takes them down.  David would not touch Gods anointed and in his heart he submitted even to a controlling and overpowering leadership.

I have seen so many people that are wounded; wounded by the church, rejected by their parents, controlled by leadership and spit on by those that love them. Why would God allow this?

I believe that God takes us through situations in life to see if we really do love. Do we love enough to give grace to those who wrong us? Will we overlook the faults in those that are put over us and see the good in them?

I personally believe that if you have problems with rejection, God will put you in circumstances to be rejected. I personally believe that if you have problems with authority, God will put you in circumstances where you will have to salute to authority. I believe the Lord is the author of all.

Jesus is the true rock of offense. Jesus is the one that allowed your church/pastor to wrong you to see if you would adapt a spirit of divorce and move from one church to the next. Jesus is the author of allowing you to be rejected by another mentor. The truth is God is the author of it all. He has allowed it. God is waiting for us to get it, to not be rejected by man because we are always accepted by Him. He is waiting for a generation to submit in their hearts and not take offense in what has happened in life.

Man will always fail us but that does not give us the right to close up our hearts and never trust again. We are called to go deep with each other, to expose the hurts in life and to love each other through it. It is time to move past the hurts and offenses that have happened in life and realize that God is the rock of offense and if you are being offended, yes it is directly from the throne of God because He has allowed it. 

Don't take the bait of satan and allow him the win. Are you offended or hurt, allow God into that secret place to heal.

Then Jesus answered, "Will you really lay down your life for me? I tell you the truth, before the rooster crows, you will disown me three times." John 13:38

The scripture above is the prophetic word that Jesus gave to Peter. Peter was a wild man; he was a man after Gods own heart. Peter was bold enough to jump out of the boat and walk on water. Peter defended Jesus with a sword by cutting the ear off of a soldier. He was wild, daring and completely unpredictable.

What I love about Peter is that he had the faith of a child. So if Peter would get out of the boat and walk on water, defend to the death with a sword, why would Peter deny Jesus when asked if he was His disciple?

How many of us can say that we have denied Jesus? How many of us can remember a time when we know that the Holy Spirit wanted us to do something and we didn't? How many of us wish that we could just get it?

The reality is that the past is the past and we will never get it back. If we wished that we would have done something differently, the only thing we can do is learn from it, release ourselves from the mistake and move forward.

I consider myself a Peter. I am a wild man, someone that is unpredictable, someone that is willing to do anything for the Lord. I have made mistakes in life and have known that I was supposed to do something yet I decided to run away from the very thing that I loved, Jesus.
















I believe that the Lord will continue to put us through tests that will prove who we are. Will we answer Jesus and not only say yes in our hearts but will we actually do it in the physical? Will we listen to the still small voice and walk in the presence of the Holy Spirit?

Some right now have one foot out of the boat and don't know whether to walk on water or stay in the boat. Some are completely on the water right now walking by faith, believing the words of the Lord, come vs. the world's distraction of fear. 

God is gentle, He is a gentleman. He will never force us to do anything, it is our choice. Do we want to be a part of what He is doing or run because of fear? No matter what is going on in our lives, we must choose obedience. 

Peter screwed up and he new it. Peter wished that he could have those moments back when he denied and cursed the King. God forgave him and gave him the keys to the Kingdom anyways.